[Action/Video]

[othersdie]

[Justin, unaffected by the cold induced by sitting near the fountain that the City had seen fit to drop him into during winter, finally tires of waiting for what he’s convinced what must be a trick of the mind to dissipate and resolve itself into the nothingness of death. For a lack of any other distractions, he fumbles with the device he had found in his pocket earlier.

He doesn’t fully understand why he would bother hallucinating what resembles a camcorder. The brain is truly a strange and unfathomable thing.]

Am I dead yet?

[It’s a ridiculous question. He still exists enough to imagine things; the answer is clearly no.]

If not--if not, I hope this doesn't last long.

Comments

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Justin checks the device, glances at Neil, affirms his identity, and stands. He feels he should do something--smile back, maybe, or... something else that people do when they come across someone they know.

He goes for the smile. It looks more like a grimace; to be fair, though, it's not an expression that gets a lot of use.]

Hey. Neil.

[He extends his hand for a handshake--that's what people do--but retracts it, thinking better of it. Neil says he was his friend. That doesn't mean much; Justin's last friend was more than willing to watch him shoot himself.]

[had_not_lived]

[With anyone else it might be unsettling. If Justin thinks he's dead, though, Neil can guess where he was before this... so, some awkwardness is to be expected.]

It's good to see you. [He smiles tightly, offers the coat he's holding.] I wasn't sure if you'd need this, but...

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

I wish I could say the same.

[The proffered coat gets the same inspection as Neil. Justin takes it gingerly. He's not cold, but there's snow on the ground. Coats should be worn when there's snow, and it would be rude to decline.]

Thank you. I'll return it when--if...

[Damn it.]

Thank you, Neil.

[had_not_lived]

[He waves the uncertainty aside.]

Don't worry about it. So. [He glances around them, not quite sure what to say.] Where would you like to go? I mean-- there are cafes, restaurants, or we could go to the Library or something... Or just walk, there's always Xanadu...

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He shrugs the coat on, increasingly certain that Neil knew him.]

Xanadu?

[That's worth a smile.]

Coleridge's Xanadu?

[had_not_lived]

[And Neil smiles back.]

It's what the park is called. It's not badly named, though.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

I'd like to go there.

[So much so that, for the first time since he's been here, Justin appears somewhat animated and engaged.]

...If it's not out of your way.

[had_not_lived]

[It's a bit more of a surprise than it should be.]

No, it's fine, of course-- [He gestures towards a wide side-street heading that direction.] Anything you'd like.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Justin retreats back into suspicion, eying Neil as if trying to pick him apart to read his true intentions.]

Anything?

[If it sounds too good to be true, it's almost inevitably too good to be true.]

What do you want?

[had_not_lived]

[It catches him off guard, and he looks every inch as startled as he feels.]

Nothing. I mean-- I want to help, to make this easier to get used to. That's all. I just meant, it doesn't much matter where we go.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

Oh.

[He doesn't know what to make of that. Given Neil's reaction, he almost certainly means what he says; what that means, however, isn't as easy to discern. Isn't friendship a trade-off? Company for help studying, action for thought, esteem for obedience?

Curious.]

Why do you want to help? Just... because?

[had_not_lived]

Because... we're friends.

[He knows enough to know Justin's view on that topic is likely to be pretty skewed, but it's all he can offer.]

I don't know a better way to explain.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He nods slowly. Neil's motivation might have to remain a mystery for now because, at the moment, Justin sort of likes the idea of friendship being easy.

He shoves his hand into the coat's pockets and shuffles towards Xanadu.]

...Thank you.

[had_not_lived]

You're welcome.

[He's trying, really trying, not to be too overwhelming. It just goes against his nature a bit. Neil starts walking, too.]

So, what would you like to know?

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Everything?

[No, maybe not.]

Did you know--before, when you knew me... how much did you know?

[had_not_lived]

You told me what you did, at home. Why you were-- why you died.

[He glances away. It's not that he holds it against Justin, just, this is an uncomfortable conversation.]

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Justin stares a hole in the side of Neil's head. He knows. He knows and he's talking to him when, by rights, he should be at least as disgusted with him as Justin is with himself. Surprise wins out over any other emotions--fear, tentative hope, confusion, disbelief.]

I told you about the--about Olivia? ...Why are you still talking to me?

[Justin isn't offended, just perplexed.]

[had_not_lived]

It's-- well, it had been a long time. You worked for the police, here. I can't say you put it behind you--

[And he hesitates a bit, because of course Justin couldn't put it behind him, it's not like Neil is all right with it, exactly.]

--but... I think... I believe, the City is a second chance for some of us.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He shakes his head, smiling humorlessly.]

I wouldn't work for the police--not in any world. They're corrupt, blind...

[solemnly] There are no second chances. We have one life, and what we do with that life... we have to live with the consequences.

[had_not_lived]

I don't know if anyone you used to work with is still here, anyway.

[He sighs, softly.]

It's a second chance if you take it. Not everyone does. [After a pause, he looks at Justin, and then away again.] We used to talk about that a lot, too.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[For a moment, it does feel like this is a conversation he has had before.]

Did we reach any conclusions?

[Something about Neil's expression makes Justin reluctant to linger on the topic.]

Never mind. Should... is there anything I should know about you?

[had_not_lived]

I hardly know where to start.

[He takes and looses a deep breath, considering. Funny, how hard it is to tell Justin things that by all rights he already has.]

I've lived in the City for... two and a half years? A little more-- almost three. My best friend from home is here; we live together. I think your world and mine are more or less alike, but it was 1959, for us.

[A long pause. The most important things are the ones he doesn't want to touch upon, of course.] I'm-- I ought to be-- dead. [Again he looks away.] Suicide.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He listens without commenting, trying to imagine spending years here--trying not to imagine Richard here, because that would be nightmarish. All imagining comes to an abrupt halt when Neil mentions his death.]

I'm-- [What? What to say to someone who just said they were dead? Justin wouldn't mind a congratulations if their roles were reversed, but Neil clearly views death and suicide differently. He seems... regretful?] I'm sorry.

[hesitantly] This is a second chance to you.

[had_not_lived]

It is, [he affirms, visibly a bit embarrassed.]

I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you all this right now. You just got here, after all.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

A second chance to live.

[Surely Neil couldn't mean anything else, but he's trying to understand.]

No, don't--it's fine. I'd... if we were friends, I'd like to know. To make it easier to... I mean, if we were friends, I want to know. So we could be friends again. If you want.

[That sounds pathetic even to Justin. On the bright side, Neil probably already knows he's pathetic.]