[Action/Video]

[othersdie]

[Justin, unaffected by the cold induced by sitting near the fountain that the City had seen fit to drop him into during winter, finally tires of waiting for what he’s convinced what must be a trick of the mind to dissipate and resolve itself into the nothingness of death. For a lack of any other distractions, he fumbles with the device he had found in his pocket earlier.

He doesn’t fully understand why he would bother hallucinating what resembles a camcorder. The brain is truly a strange and unfathomable thing.]

Am I dead yet?

[It’s a ridiculous question. He still exists enough to imagine things; the answer is clearly no.]

If not--if not, I hope this doesn't last long.

Comments

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He nods slowly. Neil's motivation might have to remain a mystery for now because, at the moment, Justin sort of likes the idea of friendship being easy.

He shoves his hand into the coat's pockets and shuffles towards Xanadu.]

...Thank you.

[had_not_lived]

You're welcome.

[He's trying, really trying, not to be too overwhelming. It just goes against his nature a bit. Neil starts walking, too.]

So, what would you like to know?

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Everything?

[No, maybe not.]

Did you know--before, when you knew me... how much did you know?

[had_not_lived]

You told me what you did, at home. Why you were-- why you died.

[He glances away. It's not that he holds it against Justin, just, this is an uncomfortable conversation.]

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Justin stares a hole in the side of Neil's head. He knows. He knows and he's talking to him when, by rights, he should be at least as disgusted with him as Justin is with himself. Surprise wins out over any other emotions--fear, tentative hope, confusion, disbelief.]

I told you about the--about Olivia? ...Why are you still talking to me?

[Justin isn't offended, just perplexed.]

[had_not_lived]

It's-- well, it had been a long time. You worked for the police, here. I can't say you put it behind you--

[And he hesitates a bit, because of course Justin couldn't put it behind him, it's not like Neil is all right with it, exactly.]

--but... I think... I believe, the City is a second chance for some of us.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He shakes his head, smiling humorlessly.]

I wouldn't work for the police--not in any world. They're corrupt, blind...

[solemnly] There are no second chances. We have one life, and what we do with that life... we have to live with the consequences.

[had_not_lived]

I don't know if anyone you used to work with is still here, anyway.

[He sighs, softly.]

It's a second chance if you take it. Not everyone does. [After a pause, he looks at Justin, and then away again.] We used to talk about that a lot, too.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[For a moment, it does feel like this is a conversation he has had before.]

Did we reach any conclusions?

[Something about Neil's expression makes Justin reluctant to linger on the topic.]

Never mind. Should... is there anything I should know about you?

[had_not_lived]

I hardly know where to start.

[He takes and looses a deep breath, considering. Funny, how hard it is to tell Justin things that by all rights he already has.]

I've lived in the City for... two and a half years? A little more-- almost three. My best friend from home is here; we live together. I think your world and mine are more or less alike, but it was 1959, for us.

[A long pause. The most important things are the ones he doesn't want to touch upon, of course.] I'm-- I ought to be-- dead. [Again he looks away.] Suicide.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[He listens without commenting, trying to imagine spending years here--trying not to imagine Richard here, because that would be nightmarish. All imagining comes to an abrupt halt when Neil mentions his death.]

I'm-- [What? What to say to someone who just said they were dead? Justin wouldn't mind a congratulations if their roles were reversed, but Neil clearly views death and suicide differently. He seems... regretful?] I'm sorry.

[hesitantly] This is a second chance to you.

[had_not_lived]

It is, [he affirms, visibly a bit embarrassed.]

I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have told you all this right now. You just got here, after all.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

A second chance to live.

[Surely Neil couldn't mean anything else, but he's trying to understand.]

No, don't--it's fine. I'd... if we were friends, I'd like to know. To make it easier to... I mean, if we were friends, I want to know. So we could be friends again. If you want.

[That sounds pathetic even to Justin. On the bright side, Neil probably already knows he's pathetic.]

[had_not_lived]

[Neil isn't fazed.]

I still think of us as friends. Whether or not you remember... well, we have time to talk, I'm sure. If you want-- unless you'd rather not-- you can stay with me and Todd, as long as you need to.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said. Ever. Neil, you are an enigma.]

If it's not problematic...

[Wait.]

I knew someone named Todd. Or so he says.

[had_not_lived]

That's probably him,

[Neil laughs, before looking a little worried.]

I should've asked him if he wanted to come walk with us, probably...

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

You should at least ask him if he minds harboring a murderer for a time.

[had_not_lived]

You're a friend of ours, I'm sure he'll feel the same way I do.

[But he's not wrong; Neil ought to ask about that, too. It's just that he's so sure Todd won't mind, so it doesn't seem necessary. Still, he looks a little subdued.

And of course, there are other considerations.]

I should probably mention...

[His cheeks are flushed in a way that has nothing to do with the cold.]

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Curiouser and curiouser. There is clearly something significant that Justin doesn't know. Remember. Whichever.]

What? [more gently] I doubt that anything you say will surprise me, and I'm not in a position to judge.

[had_not_lived]

It's just not something I talk about.

[Ever. Though Justin's been privy to more of that conversation than perhaps anyone other than Todd.]

But, if you're going to stay with us, you may as well know. We're... together.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Justin would like to insist that Neil continue not talking about this something, but that's hardly friendly.]

In what way? Romantically? [Said without surprise or much emotion at all. That may, however, present a problem...] I don't want to bother you--either of you--if you prefer privacy.

[had_not_lived]

[This is at least as uncomfortable on his end. Neil shakes his head, slightly.]

We've had roommates before-- if it bothers you I understand, we'll find you somewhere else. I just thought you should know. [He frowns slightly.] Most people don't.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

I don't mind. It's not abnormal.

[He looks mildly surprised and then pleased, but only for a moment.] Thank you for telling me.

[had_not_lived]

[It's enough to crack the tension, at least, and Neil laughs. It's just such a Justin way to put it.]

I think that's enough information to start with.

[othersdie.livejournal.com]

[Laughing... is good. Perplexing, but good.]

My curiosity is satisfied. I have enough to think about.

[And when they reach Xanadu, he has even more to think about. Justin doesn't believe in deja vu, but he's almost certain he's been here before.]